You are treading on eggshells, worried and scared he might get angry again. BUT he can be so freaking kind, caring and loving, too! So you don’t want to leave him, but want to try and change the angry part of him instead? So he can be the nice person that he is for most of the relationship, right? Because he can be nice, so why can’t he be just like that all the time?
I totally understand; I too was in an abusive relationship, married to my perpetrator and I so badly wanted to change him too, until I realised that it wasn’t my decision to change him…it was his!
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5 steps to changing your abuser:
- Can your partner show genuine remorse and accept that their actions have consequences?
- Can your partner make amends and understand why you might be feeling the way you are (without being prompted by you or anyone else)?
- Can your partner demonstrate effectively after showing remorse that they can be non-abusive for a prolonged period of time? 3 months? 6 months?
- Can your partner’s family see that their behaviour is destructive?
- Do you have support from your own family, who support you to either leave or advocate a change in your partner?
To be clear, in order to change an abusive man, you must have ‘yes’ answers to all of the above questions, but even if you have the above, you will still be required to do years of rehabilitation with your partner…
If you feel this content has been helpful, then please drop a comment below or if you would like to speak to someone, please contact me on Facebook @connectingwomen2gether
Keep smiling in the mirror and sending you lots of love and light!
Sanita xxx
healing-from-abuse.com 