So many people tell me this…they say they don’t think they are strong enough to leave…or that they don’t think they would survive alone after they leave.
I am not here to tell you to leave your partner but I can explain a few things as to why you are feeling conflicted…
Survival mode versus logical thinking
You are currently in survival mode and not thinking logically, due to all the abuse you have endured, so your survival brain is saying you are not strong enough… but your logical brain would tell you the following: you lived a life before this person, right? So you can absolutely live without them! It may be hard, as you may miss them at first, but you can leave and survive (trust me, I have left and am now thriving).
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Loss of confidence in yourself
You have been brainwashed into not believing your own logic and thoughts, and instead the voice that says you can’t leave is not your voice…it’s your perpetrator’s voice. It’s months and years of emotional and psychological abuse making you lose your confidence and self worth! So you can absolutely leave and THRIVE and be ok. It will be a journey, but you are way stronger than you think! You have just been brainwashed and conditioned to think you are weak!
Breaking the trauma bond
You are subconsciously addicted to the abuse…I know it’s actually crazy, but true!! It’s something we call the trauma bond, which makes leaving a perpetrator so damn difficult (trust me, I know – I have been there too). The bond can be broken, it just means you need to know why you are leaving your abuser and what the consequences are of staying and what the benefits are of leaving. Once you know these, you then need a solid period of time away from them with no contact (not with any intention to go back to them). Then you can start to chip away at the trauma bond and pour back into yourself. Easier said than done, but it can absolutely be done!
Please know that the last thing your abuser wants is for you to leave, because then they would lose their emotional and physical punchbag.
They will do anything to make you stay – this technique is called ‘hoovering’ – basically sucking you back in again, and doing and saying all the things you want them to do/say…but it’s funny how they only do this when they know you are close to leaving. So be mindful of their ‘hoovering’ techniques.
So please know you are way stronger than you know, and please stop repeating the negative things you say about yourself…instead be kind to yourself!
I hope this helps you feel better and please subscribe and follow for more information on dealing with perpetrators and healing from abuse.
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Keep smiling at her in the mirror!
Sanita xxx
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