It feels horrendous, you feel so unloved, sometimes he beats you or even worse – he mentally degrades you until you feel worthless….but it’s all worth staying for, because there are glimpses of love, flashes of hope that he can change, and when he is being good, it’s pretty damn wonderful, right?
Yes, I know, because I once was in an abusive relationship and I know how it feels to have the bipolar love and I also know the reasons why you may be choosing to stay in the relationship…please, don’t feel judged if you are choosing to stay.
What I would like to do is just share a few of the main reasons as to why us ‘women’ stay (yes, I am fully aware women can be abusive too, however, this post is dedicated to abused women).
So here are the 2 reasons (there are several reasons, but all in all it boils down to these 2 reasons) at the core:
- Your level of self worth
- Feelings of loss/Never have this again
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The only way you will ever leave a relationship, regardless if it is abusive or not, is if you change how you feel about either your sense of self-worth, meaning that you believe you deserve more. Or secondly that you stop believing that you are losing something by walking away or stop the self- sabotaging thoughts that you will ‘never have’ something again. I know I used to think that I would ‘never have a relationship like this again’, I would ‘never have a love like this again’, ‘never get married again’, and quite frankly I was talking so much bullshit! Well, actually…I never did have an abusive relationship again, so maybe I was right when I said I would never have a relationship like this again.
My point is that until you believe you are worthy and deserving of more love, your subconscious will sabotage you from leaving and until you believe that you will actually ‘gain’ from leaving, rather than ‘losing’ from leaving, your subconscious will again sabotage any attempts at leaving.
This may be why you have attempted to leave in the past, but please know, if you have attempted to leave, then this is great and it means that you are getting closer to leaving for good. On average it takes domestic violence victims 6-7 attempts to leave before they leave permanently.
Whether you choose to stay or leave, I hope you know that this blog was no accident, your prayers were answered and it was sent to you in a time of need!
Please know that you are deserving, you are beautiful, and if you choose to leave, you will heal and find a pure genuine love, if you allow yourself to.
I hope this helps you feel better and please subscribe and follow for more information on dealing with perpetrators and healing from abuse.
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Keep smiling at her in the mirror!
Sanita xxx
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