If you are feeling like your partner behaves in ways which are just simply really mean and disgusting; if they beat you or are continuously putting you down, making you feel guilty, puts ‘blame’ onto you for a lot of the relationship problems, only seems to behave badly towards yourself but is angelic with others in public…
Are you in an abusive relationship?
If the above is all ringing true and seems familiar, then it probably means your partner is being abusive…you probably don’t want to hear that right now, but you do need to know that there is a reason why they chose you, why they only behave like this with you and not others. If you keep reading, I will answer all your questions…
Firstly, what I mean by ‘abusive’ is that your partner may be hungry for power and control and like to always be the one in the relationship who has it, which then means they will always do debilitating acts (to you or the relationship) to get their control and power over you/your relationship.
These patterns also tend to mean that they have always been like this in a relationship – it’s kind of part of their identity to be power hungry because it’s the only way they prefer…as this way gives them a lot of entitlement…i.e benefits which come with the abuse and they like feeling in control!
But I guess what you want to really know is why they picked you and why they are so abusive to you and perhaps not to other people…
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Traits abusers are looking for
The answer to this is really simple – they specifically chose you because you had some traits which were beneficial for them….traits such as ‘strong independent woman’. The strong woman doesn’t tend to show vulnerability or how she is feeling with anyone, so abusive people prefer a victim who has this trait. It means it is easier to control and manipulate without being caught out and having their true identity revealed to the public.
Another trait is ‘people pleasing’…this one is great as it means victims fall in the trap of forever trying to please their partner without ever knowing that the system is flawed and it’s designed to make you fail. There is no finish line, there is never a way to please an abusive person, as they make up the rules and continuously increase the standards. People pleasers will fall in the trap of ‘let me keep trying’ and spend many years failing to appease their partner and falling deeper under their control instead…
There are far too many of these traits for me to go into but you get the gist of things; the main issue here is really that the perpetrator is ACTUALLY INTIMIDATED BY YOU! YES, I said that right – they are jealous of what you have achieved and your empathy, your passion, your ability to love with no boundaries, your skills and attributes…and so they set out each day to break you down, one day at a time…so that you don’t really notice until you are far deep into the hands of your abuser…
If this is you, know that this post came to you for a reason… please know there is help available and you can reach out if you would like to…feel free to connect with us @Connectingwomen2gether on Facebook and Instagram.
Keep smiling at her in the mirror!
Sanita xxx
healing-from-abuse.com 