You left them but somehow they are still getting to you? Either it’s through the divorce or through the children, or just simply they find a way to contact you and trigger you…
You might be thinking: “Haven’t I gone through enough with this guy or girl? Why won’t they just leave me alone?” Is it not enough that they controlled you for such a period of time that they still want to try and manipulate you after you have left too?
Yes, I totally get it! I have been there and reacted with the same emotions of anger, depression, days of crying and upset, frustration, sheer annoyance and also a pinch of anxiety, too….and what I can tell you is that it is A GAME for them, they love playing the reaction game, they love playing the control game, and they love winning.
So screw this! I am going to help YOU win for once! The winning equates to you not reacting and not giving YOUR POWER away to these narcissistic beings!
Subscribe to my FREE newsletter
1. Tip number 1 is to breathe!
This might sound crazy, but we cannot control the narcissist, but what I can teach you to do is help you control your own reactions towards them and also your own thoughts and feelings towards the overall situation. Breathwork can calm your entire body and nervous system; it actually reduces your blood pressure and reduces the stress hormone in your body. If you don’t know how to do breathwork, then please keep reading and I will drop some links. Breathwork helps you instantaneously lose the feelings of anxiety and depression and frustration…it has helped me so much!
2. Remember you can love and be loved back!
Tip number 2 is to remember that they don’t know how to love, and we don’t want to hate them, but feel sorry for them, because you actually have the capacity to love people and receive love from others…Abusive people are incapable, so it doesn’t matter if they moved on or not, you know deep down that the next person will go through the same trauma as you…so instead, focus on the fact that you are healthy and can love others and will find someone to love in the future!
3. Physically move your body!
So when the narcissist makes a move in this game that he is playing, they win by getting you to show your upset reactions… So when they make the move, you would need to go straight into doing an activity such as physically exercise or some breathwork…it doesn’t have to be going to the gym and and having a complex, heavy weight regime! No…all I mean is move your body – walk, run, swim…maybe do some jump squats or some rope skipping in your garden. This will release endorphins and make you feel way better. I would say if you are able to, then do something more intense and it will help release more of the happy hormones. Then make any decisions you need to after you are in a different state of mind…repeating this will create a habit.
4. Focus on what you want for your life!
Know that every time you allow the narcissist to get to you, you are allowing him to take you away from the vibrational energy and emotion you need to attract what you want in your life. Meditate and visualise what you want, instead of worrying & giving all your energy to someone you chose to leave (it just takes patience and practice).
5. Remember everything that you already have in your life.
Yes, life is unfair, and yes, we got the short straw with the ex-narcissists, but when I left my ex, I was very grateful for a roof over my head, food in the fridge, the fact I had my health, I had legs, and I could walk, and also the fact that I WAS FREE and no longer controlled…I could do whatever I wanted! Gratitude is a powerful practice and it can help you attract more to your life.
Life isn’t that bad when separating from a narcissistic partner. I am not saying you can’t be upset, it’s ok to be upset in the moment, we do react in the moment…but then we have a choice to do something that will help you feel good (like the 5 points above), or we can allow the ex to win and we give our power away…we allow them to have control over our emotions, even when we have left them!
Here are some additional information and resources which might help:
Meditation links:
https://youtu.be/VaN36LGLh4I
https://youtu.be/6wzPKoeguw8
Breathwork links:
https://youtu.be/qlTC2HBmPeM
https://youtu.be/zmn_7wr0Pk4
https://youtu.be/0BNejY1e9ik
If this is you, know that this post came to you for a reason… please know there is help available and you can reach out if you would like to…feel free to connect with us @Connectingwomen2gether on Facebook and Instagram.
Keep smiling at her in the mirror!
Sanita xxx
healing-from-abuse.com 