How to change your abusive partner in only 5 steps

Posted on by healwithsanita

You are treading on eggshells, worried and scared he might get angry again. BUT he can be so freaking kind, caring and loving, too! So you don’t want to leave him, but want to try and change the angry part of him instead? So he can be the nice person that he is for most of the relationship, right? Because he can be nice, so why can’t he be just like that all the time?

I totally understand; I too was in an abusive relationship, married to my perpetrator and I so badly wanted to change him too, until I realised that it wasn’t my decision to change him…it was his!

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5 steps to changing your abuser:

  1. Can your partner show genuine remorse and accept that their actions have consequences? 
  2. Can your partner make amends and understand why you might be feeling the way you are (without being prompted by you or anyone else)?
  3. Can your partner demonstrate effectively after showing remorse that they can be non-abusive  for a prolonged period of time? 3 months? 6 months?
  4. Can your partner’s family see that their behaviour is destructive?
  5. Do you have support from your own family, who support you to either leave or advocate a change in your partner? 

To be clear, in order to change an abusive man, you must have ‘yes’ answers to all of the above questions, but even if you have the above, you will still be required to do years of rehabilitation with your partner…

If you feel this content has been helpful, then please drop a comment below or if you would like to speak to someone, please contact me on Facebook @connectingwomen2gether 

Keep smiling in the mirror and sending you lots of love and light!

Sanita xxx

5 tips to know if your partner is actually abusing you covertly

Posted on by healwithsanita

Feeling scared but don’t know why? Not sure what you do to upset them but they get upset anyways? Feeling like it just doesn’t matter what you do anymore as you seem to be upsetting them or making them angry all the time? 

I used to think the same and then it wasn’t until a therapist told me that I was going through abuse…it still took me a while to accept the situation that my own husband was abusing me…

So here are some tips because I don’t want you to suffer like I did, in the dark, not knowing what was happening around me, thinking the abuse was some sordid version of love….

  1. When you try and hold them accountable for anything, they will refuse to accept it and do one of the following….Blame you, say hurtful things to deflect from the situation, walk away, or minimise the abuse by saying something like: “you are overreacting, like always”. 
  2. You partner has a problem with you being out either with friends or family or just being out of the house. They might not show it, so they could sabotage you going out by making an argument happen, for example right before you are due to leave.
  3. There are extremes in the relationship – you might be thinking that your partner has some bi-polar disorder or something because one minute they are calm and the next they literally go crazy!
  4. They say and do horrendous things that make you feel so unworthy, but then they do extravagant things to make it up to you. Or say they are sorry but do the same actions again.
  5. You feel like EVERYTHING is your fault! Not matter what you do, you will get blamed, you feel like you are struggling because there is no winning with your partner. Even when you know you did nothing wrong, somehow it gets pinned on you!

If you feel this content has been helpful, then please drop a comment below, or if you would like to speak to someone, please contact me on Facebook @connectingwomen2gether 

Keep smiling in the mirror and sending you lots of love and light!

Sanita xxx

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