Why do I keep attracting toxic abusers in my relationships?

Posted on by healwithsanita

Had a narrow escape from one abusive relationship, you were thankful and grateful that you left because if you didn’t, life would have been horrendous…but then when you try and date or are even remotely interested in someone, they also seem abusive? It’s worrying because you start wondering if you can ever have a healthy relationship again. Like, seriously,

Are all men fricking abusive?

The answer to this is simple: no, they are not…there are plenty of healthy men out there, too. 

So I firstly congratulate you on discovering that there is a pattern with your relationships, because some women end up going their whole lives without ever noticing this.

Secondly, being aware men are abusive is also a huge milestone to celebrate, as many women (including myself), do not realise that they are being abused at the time of it happening.

Trust me on this one – I had to do lots of research to realise that I was in an abusive marriage, and then discovered my previous relationship to that was also abusive, but I had no fricking clue!

Like, how does one not know what the difference is between abuse and a healthy relationship? 

To find out more, please watch this short video explaining some of the many answers as to why we end up in these abusive/toxic relationships without even realising…

Sanita explains why some women keep attracting abusive/toxic people.

I hope this helps you feel better and please subscribe and follow for more information on dealing with perpetrators and healing from abuse. 

Keep smiling at her in the mirror! 

Sanita xxx

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How to change your abusive partner in only 5 steps

Posted on by healwithsanita

You are treading on eggshells, worried and scared he might get angry again. BUT he can be so freaking kind, caring and loving, too! So you don’t want to leave him, but want to try and change the angry part of him instead? So he can be the nice person that he is for most of the relationship, right? Because he can be nice, so why can’t he be just like that all the time?

I totally understand; I too was in an abusive relationship, married to my perpetrator and I so badly wanted to change him too, until I realised that it wasn’t my decision to change him…it was his!

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5 steps to changing your abuser:

  1. Can your partner show genuine remorse and accept that their actions have consequences? 
  2. Can your partner make amends and understand why you might be feeling the way you are (without being prompted by you or anyone else)?
  3. Can your partner demonstrate effectively after showing remorse that they can be non-abusive  for a prolonged period of time? 3 months? 6 months?
  4. Can your partner’s family see that their behaviour is destructive?
  5. Do you have support from your own family, who support you to either leave or advocate a change in your partner? 

To be clear, in order to change an abusive man, you must have ‘yes’ answers to all of the above questions, but even if you have the above, you will still be required to do years of rehabilitation with your partner…

If you feel this content has been helpful, then please drop a comment below or if you would like to speak to someone, please contact me on Facebook @connectingwomen2gether 

Keep smiling in the mirror and sending you lots of love and light!

Sanita xxx