Well, I am guessing you are reading this because you WANT to change your partner, right?
Let me guess, they are behaving in ways you don’t like? You may have told them clearly that they need to change and yet they still carry on in destructive ways….so now you need to find a way to change them?
Well, let me firstly ask you 1 question…
Why do you want them to change?
You might be thinking “well, because they are mean to me and disrespectful”….or you might be thinking it’s because you love them and they are the parent to your child, or it could be that they are the main provider and you feel like you have nowhere else to go and your only choice is to fix them…
Whichever reason you have…it’s not a nice feeling to have and if it’s any consolation, I totally get it! I have been there in a toxic relationship where things weren’t working and I needed to fix him…
I didn’t change my ex-partner’s abusive ways..but here is what I did instead, which I believe will absolutely help you!
Firstly, I understood that the problem was I wanted a person (and behaviours from a person) that weren’t coming from (and couldn’t) come from my partner at the time…I mean I really had to accept that!
Consequently, you’re probably thinking, “I didn’t even try and change him”…wrong! I tried EVERYTHING (talking to him, therapy, getting other people involved, leaving temporarily etc etc) under the damn sun because I loved him, I was tied to him financially, and I was married to him, and in my culture, divorce was like committing a crime to the masses!
I told him specifically that the behaviours he was doing were not right (basically abusive, but I didn’t know it at the time) and YET he STILL carried on! So, after accepting that he wasn’t going to change, because here is the thing – I realised that he knew what he was doing, he knew he was hurting me but didn’t care enough to change!
The only way to change your partner is leaving the relationship!
Going back to my first point, I realised that the problem was what I wanted didn’t match what I was getting from the relationship….meaning if I stayed, I was going to be miserable for the rest of my life! THE ONLY WAY to change your partner is to leave them and physically change them for another healthy partner!
Obviously, don’t switch your partner straight away, take some time out for your healing and work through your traumas, etc. See my post on not feeling strong enough to leave.
Here is the thing…when you RAISE THE BAR and you don’t allow the toxic patterns in any relationship, especially from the beginning, then a healthy love will come your way and that’s when YOU GET ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT FROM A RELATIONSHIP!
I am sorry if you thought this post was actually going to help you change a person’s behaviour – the reality is (because I have done extensive research and worked with women all over the world), these abusive or toxic people don’t ever end up changing, as they enjoy the abuse and the benefits they gain from it, such as the power and the control. Please see my other post on feeling like you aren’t enough.
Sending love and light to you reading this, and please know this has come to you in divine timing!
You are beautiful and deserve to be loved in a healthy way…
Sending you love and light,
Sanita xxx
healing-from-abuse.com 